Thursday, August 30

Letter of Note

My youngest brother wrote me this note for my birthday, until such time as he can afford a present. He wrote it after his very first solo gig, when he was staying at my Nan’s. I am sharing it here with you. Transcribing it made me happy and sad at once. Anyway…

To my eldest brother, R—,

First and foremost, this is an I.O.U. As you may or may not be aware, I am currently unemployed meaning income is pretty dire at the moment, but I promise to buy you Avengers in 3D Blu-Ray with my first pay cheque.
Second off, an explanation, I’m currently laying in the most uncomfortable position at Nan’s bed (no, not her actual bed!!), I feel like Will Smith in MiB when he’s doing that test. Also my hands still haven’t fully shaken the nerves that was forcing them to be so unreliable earlier tonight. That’s right, I’m writing this in the early hours of Friday Morning, Sober and devirginised of my first solo gig. We spoke earlier, for which I’m eternally grateful. Edd sent a couple but for these initial few hours I was incredibly lonely, paranoid and vulnerable and having someone to talk to was a huge help (And made me look like I have one friend to the audience!) The whole experience was surreal, so many emotions flooding my system that I just shut off and ran on autopilot, of course after the performance. Now that I’m back the high has kicked in and I’m fully immersed in a haze of relief, fear, anger, happiness and fiery passion. I assure you I’m entirely sober whilst writing this, well why are you writing it? (To be said in an Alan Partridge voice) I feel guilty in part because there’s no present, but I thought you’d appreciate a memento of sentimental value. Obviously I won’t even try to write as eloquently as yourself but I figured you’d enjoy it all the same, hey, if things work out, you could always flog this and get a pretty penny in a few years down the line, providing I ain’t Curt Cobained it!!
How’s your writing coming along? Well, I hope at least not badly considering the amount of time you invest in it. I don’t know why you do, I don’t know why you behave the way you do but obviously you have your reasons. The fact is R—, you’re a beautiful human being, you’re so well educated it’s intimidating, you’re cultured but not so much you’re a bellend about it (well, within reason!). And you’ve got a family who love you. I don’t want to make assumptions, so I won’t. I hope you’re working towards something, because if you’re not, you’re an idiot and you’re wasting everything lady luck has bestowed on you. I know sometimes they can seem like a curse, but they’re all strengths, they all built you, and I say do something great with them, because you’re built for better things, and I honestly mean that. R—n, he’s great but he’s content, you’re not, use that. It’ll be your greatest strength. Times will be shit, but they always are, we only make of this life what we make for ourselves and I know you’re built for better things than firing your poetically-put emotions into the night on the internet in a small room in shitty C—, but all these possibilities won’t mean anything if you just roll over so I’m going to book more and more gigs and see how I’m feeling half a year from now when I’m more comfortable with it all. You do your gigs, you can be so great R—, honestly, you could have it all and you’d still be unhappy but you’re brilliant, so don’t waste it being angry or disillusioned. A very wise man one relayed a Bukowski quote to me to the tune of ‘Go all the way.’ You’ve got it, don’t waste it. I wish you all the best, you’re still young and look even younger so try stay chipper,

With love and thanks,
Your baby bro,

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