Wednesday, January 2

To Possess (Nothing but love)

I want to own a vagina. I am tired of this penis. I want a vagina instead. Only I don’t like the word ‘vagina’, or ‘cunt’ or ‘twat’ or ‘pussy’. They’re all ugly words. The first thing I would do is come up with a new name for it, or ask women what they’d like it to be called. I want to own a vagina that I can go down on all day and all night. Sometimes my jaw will ache and my lips will be sore from the bristles, but that will be of little consequence.



  • I’ve seen vaginas so pretty that they could melt chocolate or have a Spanish street named after them. 
  • Rainforests spend millennia coming up with plants that look as beautiful as vagina. 
  • Dolphins regard human vaginas with a degree of envy uncharacteristic of their specie’s good nature.




Sometimes I imagine what my penis would look like as a vagina, and I imagine what my pubic hair would look like wrapped round a vagina instead of a penis. It’s that twenty-third chromosone.
Women have it hard. I don’t want all that. I just want a woman to say –



‘I’m fed up with this. You have it.’




2006 I was lying in bed, a girl squatted over my face and rubbed her vagina on my nose. It smelled of piss and I could smell the shit from her arsehole. I fell in love. From then on I kept putting my hands down her pants. She was always wet, in the thicket of pubic hair and these plump labia she kept hidden away. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever possessed. She gave it to me. She tasted like the tears you get from staring at the sun.
There is nothing more beautiful in the world than a vagina, unless I tore a page out of To The Lighthouse and slid it very carefully between two swollen labia.

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