Sunday, February 3

Maintain The Erection

I’VE BEEN A LITTLE absent from here.
Quite rightly, my blog has played second fiddle to me working on my book. Five nights a week I write – abstaining Thursday & Friday, due, respectively, to tiredness and feeling uninspired. I did a quick word count of the four stories I’ve done so far. If it were printed as it is the book would be 129.6 pages, roughly. These are only the first drafts and I anticipate much in the way of editing and rewriting but, so far, I am happy with it.
Some days are hell:
If I was up too late the night before, drinking myself to sleep and writing furiously so that it exhausts me, then work is very difficult. A steady supply of coffee helps – though sometimes I drink too much of that, feeling dizzy & nauseous. My skin just gets worse and worse.
Some won’t see the point in busying myself to such a degree, or would order me to take a break, but that is unthinkable. All the words are coming out of me quite freely, and besides, I cannot be allowed to think too much about things. Thinking bad. Working good.
For the first time it what has seemed longer than a few months, I looked out of my morning train’s window and saw the sun rising. The sun was not yet over the horizon but it was trying. There was a flush of light blue blending into lingering twilight. There was a yellow fringe, too. It made me very happy to see. Spring is coming.
That was yesterday afternoon.
Tonight the story has been finished. As I’d expected and hoped, I am a little lost. I want to continue yet here I sit a little aimlessly. Sometimes a girl will make me come really hard, and then I need a cigarette and then I am eager to have sex again. It is the same with this; I am eager to go again.
In other news: ‘I'll be making our video public on February 14th, which is also the opening day of the exhibition I curated in Berlin. […] I'm excited to get it out in the open. I really do think it's the best work I've ever made, […], largely because of your involvement. […] I would like to do a whole little series of animations with you some day. Does that sound like something you'd like to do?’
The answer to that is yes.

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