Wednesday, December 9

I Know Her

‘I APOLOGISE IF THIS makes you uncomfortable, but I think you are one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry; I had to tell you. Hmm, perhaps ‘thing’ you might find cruel, but thing, yes, as all the things of the earth can be beautiful: Klimt’s Beethoven Frieze, the steam off a cup of fresh coffee, the golden summer dawns. It’s been burning me up just to tell you so, that you are so beautiful I cannot bear to keep it a secret from you any longer. From the first time I saw you, you made me stop in my tracks. You have the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. I have always had trouble making eye contact, those sensitive bulbs of the brain, extended and witnessing. Since working a full-time job I feel I have become better at looking another in their eyes, although when I stare into your eyes – in the office, when we walk down the street – I am nothing but lost; I am having the floor pulled from beneath me, I am awash without an anchor. When you smile at me, you make me happy. When you talk to me, you make my day. When you laugh with me, there is nothing more I want from life. Whenever I see your name, I cry—‘¡Dios mío!’ such is its effect on me. I saw your name on a pigeonhole – all neatly filled with boring paperwork – and I stood there to stare at it, just knowing that it was yours, that your hands had been upon it. There is no Notre Dame if there is not your name written in front of me. Ha, even your name! I always look for you. It is pitiful. It is okay, I apologise. I do not mean to make you uncomfortable. All this just to say, basically, that I have never known a woman like you and, as fuckin shit as my life feels right now, you are one of the few things that makes me happy, truly happy, one of the few things that makes me feel like there is something to all this shit, that the long, dark stretches of misery that engulf me can indeed be pierced by the occasional star of indescribable beauty. Anyway, I’m sorry, A—a, I just wanted to tell you that. It’s silly, I know. Enjoy your evening.’

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